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Local authorities were shocked to discover that a pile of ancient human remains found in a shelf of ice and recovered today belong to an early human believed to have died while on hold to Centrelink, a call that remains on hold to this very day.
Those investigating the incident have claimed that they were surprised by the discovery:
“We knew wait times were bad,” one insider told The Backburner. “But this fella has been frozen for hundreds of years. Frankly, even if he has his debts sorted out his phone bill is going to be an absolute mess.

“Senator Brandis: step out of your ivory tower, and attempt to call Centrelink. Be prepared for a wake-up call”, Australian Greens Senator Rachel Siewert said today.

Attorney-general George Brandis has come up with a solution for people who’ve been asked to prove they don’t owe a welfare debt: Just call Centrelink!

Attorney-General George Brandis has blamed Deputy Opposition Leader Tanya Plibersek and the Labor Party for discrepancies related to the Centrelink debt saga, after being confronted by a tearful pensioner dependent on welfare to support her family.

The Mercury understands that the meeting was held in the Hobart Town Hall and Ms Campbell is in the state for three hours.
Community Public Service Union Tasmania secretary Paul Blake said Ms Campbell has held similiar question and answer sessions around the country.
Mr Blake said staff questions are vetted beforehand.
The controversial robo-debt policy and protracted staff wage negotiations are the source of growing frustration among union members, he said.

Labor has dismissed the Coalition's effort to soften its controversial Centrelink "robo-debt" policy, with an opposition frontbencher demanding a government apology for those targeted by the program.
Human Services Minister Alan Tudge announced on Tuesday evening that Centrelink, which has been sending private debt collectors to pursue debts raised under contentious data matching policy, will no longer demand payment for debts that are under review.

Hundreds of thousands of Australians have been left feeling afraid and unsafe after Centrelink incorrectly sent them debt letters, community groups say.
The Australian Council of Social Services chief executive Cassandra Goldie says sending debt letters to people, in some cases incorrectly, does nothing to address worsening poverty in Australia.

The activist group GetUp claims Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull's government is shaking down ordinary people, often for debts they neither owe nor can effectively challenge.
The group's national director, Paul Oosting, said it would be launching a billboard criticising the government for failing to go after corporate tax cheats while it attacked ordinary people over "false" debt claims.
The billboard would be placed on the lawns of Parliament House on Friday, he said.

Minister for Human Services, Alan Tudge, has announced for a second time that he will make changes to his error prone robo-debt system after thousands of honest Australians were targeted for inflated or non-existent debt, but he still will not apologise.

The government has formally tried to congratulate itself in the Parliament on its digital transformation of services in a sign of either “irony or grand self-delusion,” according to the shadow minister for the digital economy Ed Music.
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The motion pointed to the government’s Centrelink technology, its health and aged care payment system and the MyGov online system.